Refusal to yield to the demands of others
How can you escape from yourself when you have met yourself through foreign eyes?
Vital refusal
Refusal to give in to the demands of others disguised as a common interest
Refusal is an inexhaustible source of oxygen
Not meeting the demands of others is the beginning of my well-being and even my pleasure
For me, this is the great lesson to be meditated on at the end of these few decades of existence. This is the tunnel to be dug to freedom. No forgiveness for guilt in the face of the benevolent threat of the other, camouflaged as solicitude.
To take care of oneself at last. Really of oneself. Of one's beautiful self made in one's own image, far from the reflections of the hideous mirrors held up by terrible, envious hands. Hands that first think only of their own faces. Idea to be dug as far as it takes me. Far from your big joke of friendship and love. Fat fowl stuffed with bile; fat lying cake, served on your fat platter, one hand against your heart. Envious and idolatrous, it is the mother of love who serves her little dishes. Refusal.
Idea of my pleasure, unbearable to others. Unbearable outside my prison. Refusal to save myself. Refusal of freedom. Everyone is my jailer.